Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
I am in tears over the amount of love and support we've received since announcing our pregnancy this week. This little miracle baby is an answer to our prayers! After two ultrasounds and hearing the most glorious sound of a heartbeat at our 12 weeks appointment, I feel like I can finally take a breath. The past 3 months have been been physically and emotionally taxing. Getting pregnant so quickly after our loss was stressful and confusing and brought on an entirely different mix of emotions than what I expected (more to come on that later), but we are so THRILLED!!!
After our miscarriage in July, my Dr. told us that we were fine to conceive again as soon as we wanted. I desperately wanted to be pregnant but deep down I knew that I needed some time to process and grieve. I also wanted to allow my body time to heal. Much to my surprise, my cycle returned just a few weeks later. During that time, we decided that we needed to make a change.
I was so depressed and so sad that we felt like moving and changing our surroundings might help boost our spirits. We found brand new apartment and scheduled our move-in date for September 1st.
I was so excited to move! Going through our belongings and purging all of the crap we didn't need anymore helped keep me busy and had a bit of a healing affect.
A few days before the move, I was packing up the bathroom and I found a box of pregnancy tests.
My heart sunk deep into my chest. I couldn't handle the reminder of what I no longer had and it made me so upset. I threw them in the trash and continued to pack. The day before we moved I was cleaning up bathroom again and I saw the tests in the trash. I grabbed one and thought, "what the hell?" Before I even finished doing my business, two dark lines appeared instantly.
My jaw dropped. No freaking way! I yelled to David in the next room. We were shocked and speechless!!
The next few weeks were a blur. We had an ultrasound to confirm dates and it was so nerve racking. Flash backs of our last ultrasound haunted me I was desperate to see a healthy baby. We were both relieved to see the most perfect little jelly bean baby and to see the heart beating rapidly. The nausea/all day sickness hit me like the day after I took the pregnancy test. It got so bad that I couldn't go a day without taking Zofran around the clock. I survived off of mashed potatoes and fried rice and ended up losing 17 lbs in 1 month! It was weird because I really was so grateful for the morning sickness (even though it is so, so awful) I knew that it was a good sign that the baby was developing and growing.
After the first ultrasound the Dr. discovered that I had subchorionic hemorrhage (which is a a tear on the placenta) and I was put on modified bed rest for two weeks. IT WAS AWEFUL! The Dr. said if I had any bleeding that the hemorrhage is what would be causing it. Awesome.I was crippled with fear. Every time I went to the bathroom I just knew that It was all going to end. Thankfully I didn't have any bleeding. It has been emotionally difficult for me because I really felt like I couldn't connect with my baby. It could all end just as quickly as it started and I didn't want to feel let down. It's really a terrible feeling...
I had to cut back from the going to the Crossfit gym which was hard too because I had stayed so active up until that point. But I was happy to take whatever precautions I could to keep my sweet little baby safe.
We had another ultrasound just before we left to Disneyland to check the progress of the hemorrhage. Our prayers were once again answered and the Dr. said that It was completely healed! Our baby was still growing right on track and the heart beat was still nice and strong. I was so relieved and felt like I could actually enjoy our trip a little bit. (although it realllly sucked not being able to ride any of the roller coasters!)
After we got back, we had our 12 week appointment. Even after two healthy ultrasounds, I was anxious to hear the heart beat on the doppler. The Dr. found the heart beat instantly. It was literally music to my ears! I cried tears of joy. Laying there in the office and hearing that sweet pitter-patter was the first time that I felt like this was the real deal. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest and that I could finally start to connect with our miracle baby and enjoy this pregnancy.
I am so blessed and thankful for the opportunity to carry this baby. We pray everyday that he/she continues to grow. We are also so thankful for the thoughts and the continued prayers in our behalf and for all the support we have received. We are just so happy right now, I can not even begin to describe it. Here's to the next 7 months!