Thursday, February 26, 2015

on the mend

It looks like we are finally on the mend over here. 
The kids are sleeping better, which means we are sleeping better and everyone seems to be in good spirits. 

Yesterday we celebrated Davids 27th birthday.
We went to Remington's soccer camp, came home to eat a donut cake, sing happy birthday and open presents. 
Then we all took a much needed nap, followed by an early dinner feast at David's favorite restaurant, Olive Garden.
It was nice to finally get out of the house!

Next week are celebrating Remington's 3rd birthday. 
I am in serious denial. 
It's his "golden birthday" (3 years on the 3rd) so we are planning a simple gold/pirate theme party for him. 
He's going to love it!
I'm also working on putting together a birthday interview film with him.
It's something i'd like to start doing every year when the babies are 3. 
It'll be fun to see how it turns out!
So until then, enjoy some adorable photos of the babies, squeaky clean, fresh out of the bath. 
^^looks at those CURLS!
^^Remington, you are a dreamboat. 

Tuesday, February 24, 2015


We are all sorts of snotty, crusty, coughy, phlegmy, achy, sinus pressure-y, tired and grumpy over here.  
It started with Olive at the end of last week and slowly, it's been hitting each one of us. 
It's been days now and it seems like there is no end in sight!
It is not fair to be sick as a momma, a very pregnant momma at that. 
The kids are pretty miserable when they are sick. 
They aren't the type to cuddle and watch movies all day. 
They are the throw themselves around, refuse to eat or nap and then there is this super awesome whiny cry they save for when they especially don't feel well. 
Maybe it's because I feel miserable too, but I seem to have little patience during times like these.
I have to keep reminding myself that if they are feeling as crappy as I do, this is the way they know how they communicate it to me. 
I just wish we could take turns sleeping all day...
We've pretty much stayed put the last 5 days. 
Our schedule is busy this week so i'm hoping we will start to see a turn for the better!
Send me a "you can do it" text and say a prayer you don't get whatever the heck we have-
Here's to healthier days-

**Update: took the kids to the Dr and we all tested positive for RSV...YAY!**

Sunday, February 22, 2015

When Olive smiles...

I have to share it with everyone because it rarely happens, haha! 

If sugar doesn't make this girl happy, I don't know what will.

Love you, Olive Lou! 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

5 years

Tomorrow David and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary.
It has been a BUSY 5 years!
I was searching through our photo archives to find some wedding photos to post and I came across our engagements. 
We hadn't looked at them in years!
It's crazy how much we've grown up since these were taken. 
I feel like I look like such a baby. 
(I mean I guess I was only 19 years old...haha)
David has only gotten more handsome.
I love him more than ever. 
We have been truly blessed with a wonderful life and I am so excited to see what is in store for the next 5!

Happy Anniversary Hunnie Cakes!

Monday, February 16, 2015

pregnancy after loss and coping with anxiety.

I've finally reached my third trimester.
I can't even begin to tell you how comforting it is to know that if something were to go wrong, baby girl would have a high chance of survival outside of the womb. 

This pregnancy has been a roller coaster of emotions. 
From the beginning, I've had the horrible pit in my stomach that something will go wrong.

It started after Olive's choking fiasco last year.
In those few minutes while she was unconscious, not breathing and David was about to start CPR, I thought for sure we had lost her.
It was a horrific feeling and I was truly traumatized by the incident. 

A few days later, we learned that we had lost the baby. 
I don't know if the two were connected. 
I try not to think too much into it but the thought has crossed my mind that the stress of everything was just too much for my body at the time. 
The emotional impact of those events affected me in ways I couldn't explain. 

When we conceived again so quickly, I could not relax. 
Every trip to the bathroom felt like a threat. 
My symptoms would waver and I'd wonder if once again, it would all end.  
Even after hearing the glorious sound of a heartbeat and seeing our precious miracle baby on an ultrasound, I still felt like I couldn't connect. 

Not only was I terrified of another failed pregnancy, but I was worried about losing Olive too. 
I literally spent my days watching her consume every bite of food. 
I'd yell at David for not breaking up her meals small enough. 
Hearing her gag or cough from another room would send me into full on panic mode. 
I'd dream about dead disfigured babies and  wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, heart racing, not being able to catch my breath. 
Flashbacks of Olives lifeless body would consume my thoughts. 

I didn't understand what was going on with me. 

I didn't realize that I was literally crippling myself with fear. 

The day before our big 20 week ultrasound, I totally lost control. 
I sobbed for hours, my body wouldn't stop shaking. 
I didn't know why I felt like something HAD to be wrong with our little baby. 
I couldn't push away the negative thoughts.
Was this normal?!

After a perfectly normal ultrasound and finding out baby was a girl, I felt myself start to relax a little. 
We named her and I finally felt like I could bond. 
I started to feel better about things. 

But then, another Olive scare and things went downhill. 
She went unconscious and had a full body seizure. 
I was once again on the phone with 911, totally hysterical, screaming for them to send help. 
I remember telling David that I couldn't handle the stress anymore, It was too much for me. 

A few days after the incident on Christmas eve last year, I was taken to the hospital via ambulance. 
I was fine one second then all the sudden my heart started racing.
I couldn't catch my  breath and my face and limbs were going numb. 
I thought something terrible was wrong. 
was the baby ok? 
I couldn't settle down. 

We couldn't catch a break, how could this be happening!? 

After negative tests for a heart attack and blood clot the ER. Dr asked me if i've ever had a anxiety attack. 
An anxiety attack?
I thought I was dying. 
Surely it had to be more than that. 

In my mind, anxiety attacks weren't a real thing.
Only something made up by crazy people. 
They gave me a sedative, a sleeping pill, told me to contact my Dr. for a follow up and sent me on my way. 

I made an appointment with my Dr and unloaded everything I had been thinking, feeling and experiencing the last few months. 
He told me everything I was experiencing was very real. 
That after traumatic events including miscarriage and near death expierecnes of a child on top of all the chemical and hormonal changes that come with being pregnant again, was enough to cause post traumatic stress disorder. 
He told that he has grown me rolling on the floor thinking they were having a heart attack but it was actually an anxiety attack. 
I was relieved that my feelings we being validated and that I wasn't crazy for having the physical reactions that I did. 

We talked about the variety of options there was available to help me. 
After research and personal prayer we chose a route that we felt was best for me and the baby. 

Things got harder before they got better. 
The entire Christmas break I felt completely disconnected from my body.
I was terrified to be left alone with the babies. 
What if something happened to them, or to me and I couldn't get help?
Literally anything and everything at that time could send me into another full blown anxiety attack. 

It has been a trying couple months. 
David and my parents were so supportive of me as I began to work through everything. 
I remember when David went back to work and I'd start to feel panicky, I'd pick up the phone and call my Dad.
He would spend hours just talking to me and it really helped distract my mind so I could start to calm down. 
I'm so grateful for their love and understanding. 

I'm so glad I got help. 
Anxiety is a real thing. 
The feelings and physical reactions are very real.
I'd hope that anyone going through something similar would feel comfortable enough to reach out to someone else for help. 

At this point in time, I feel a lot better. 
A whole lot better! 
I still have "panicky" moments here and there but now I feel like I've been given the tools to help control it. 
Being able to feel baby girl move consistently has been a huge comfort. 
I can't wait to hold her in my arms.  
I still watch Olive like a hawk when she eats but I feel more comfortable letting her try bigger bites and more confident in letting other people watch her while she's eating. 

Another thing that have helped me cope with anxiety is staying active.
Going to Crossfit and taking the kids on walks multiple times a week has been so wonderful.
Crafting has also been extremely invaluable to the healing process. 
I learned quickly that keeping my hands busy while creating beautiful things really benefits me by keeping my mind off the negatives. 
Being able to make things for my baby girl has brought me closer to her as well. 

I can't say that I am appreciative of this trial, but it has really brought things into perspective.
I've learned that I am stronger than I ever thought and that life isn't meant to get through on your own.
I'm so grateful for my Father in Heaven and for the people He has placed in my life. 
I couldn't do it without them. 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Remington says

My sweet first born is turning three is just a few weeks.
Say it isn't so!
This kid, I tell ya, LITERALLY can talk your ear off.
Sometimes I tell him, "Mommas ears needs a break. Go into your room and shut the door, and don't say anything for a few minutes, ok?" 

He asks tons of questions.
Questions about anything and everything. 
He also likes to repeat himself until you acknowledge him.
David comes home from work and asks me "is he like this ALL the time!?"

Here are a couple hilarious things he said recently.

{After throwing away the yoke from a hard boiled egg}"Rem what are you doing? Thats the best part!" 
"no, actually the white part is the best part for me."

{While I was laying on the couch with my shirt rolled up} "uh momma, baby sister is poking out of yer tummy...} 

{Counting past twenty} "twenty eleven, twenty twelve, twenty thirteen..." 

{Anytime he goes poop on the potty} "yook momma I did it! Yet's call dada at work and tell him I a big boy and go poop on the potty." sometime followed by "take a picture of it momma." 

{After I told him to pick up his blocks} "Ok, I use my muscles." 

{Yesterday he climbed up in my bed and whispered} "Guess what momma, dada is getting flowers por you tomorrow."
"Is he going to get me chocolate too?"
"No, but we can get some por you at da grocery store.

And my favorites...

{Explaining the difference between boys and girls using proper anatomical terms} "Girls have baginas and boys yike me and dada have wieners?! Ooohh!"

{While sitting next to me and watching me text} " Momma, push R. Push R momma. R is for Remington, Push R. Push it momma. RRRRRRRRR"

{While opening a package of peanut-butter M&Ms in the front seat} "HEY, what is that smell?"
"What smell?"
"It smells yike chocolate" 

He is hilarious. 

^^practicing "Cas-Fit" "I need ta do my squats!" 
^^These shorts are size 18months and he still loves to wear them. 
^^We got him new shoes because he starts soccer camp next week. He doesn't take them off!

^^Holding "totton-tail" 
^^Enjoying his favorite "froot snacks" 
^^Showing me his new sweatshirt from Grandma Olsen
^^He likes to take pictures with me on my phone. 
^^A typical morning. 

Friday, February 13, 2015

Happy Valentines Eve!

Happy Valentines Eve!
These poor babies have a camera in their face multiple times a week #photographermom
I bribe them to help me so I can test lighting, new backdrops, props etc.
These were from a few weeks back when I was prepping for Valentine mini sessions.
(Don't mind the play clothes and un-ironed background haha)
They are just the cutest.

So far our only plans tomorrow include hitting up the morning Crossfit class and eating lots of chocolate. 
Perhaps we will squeeze in a nap too and maybe some Mexican food...(baby girl wants Mexican all day/everyday.)

Whatever we end up doing, it will be with my favorite people. 
Heres to the long weekend-

(And just because I wanted to document them... a few valentines decorations around the house :)

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Exciting news!

We just got official news this week that David was accepted to a Masters of Health Care Administration program at Grand Canyon University!!! I am so proud of him. It's an online program so he can continue to work while he takes his classes. He starts next month! We are so excited to start this new chapter. 

Monday, February 9, 2015

Love Month

How is it already February?!
I've had my decorations up since the middle of January...
Some say I went a little overboard, since there are literally hearts and red and pink EVERYWHERE.
I can't help it, it's my favorite time of the year. 
As of now, we have no plans for the holiday.
We are currently waiting for our beloved tax returns to come in so we can FINALLY go buy a van! I'm so excited, it's a little embarrassing. 
You know you're a grown up when... HA!
We are also celebrating our 5 year anniversary on the 20th this month. 
Crazy how fast that went by. 
I'll post more updates about whats been going on around here as soon as I get a chance to catch my breath. 

Hope everyone gets some loving this week-
Happy February!

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