Tuesday, December 27, 2016

39.5 weeks and other crappy stories.

Omg you guys, this baby is totally throwing me for a loop.
Tomorrow will officially be the longest i've EVER been pregnant. 
This past week a LONG and EMOTIONAL rollercoaster. 

I don't think i've cried this much in my entire life. 
It started last Tuesday when I was swiped my debt card to pay for an amazing pedicure I had just received. 
I'm like ok, try again because that's wrong. 
(this has literally never happened before)
Tried not to panic and called David. 
David checks our bank account. 
Turns out our automatic bill pay cleared out two days early because of Holiday. 
aka there is now no money. 
 Of course they won't take payment over the phone so I call my mom out of desperation and she sends my two sisters down to bail me out. 
I'm sitting there in front of the the busy salon, giant and pregnant, trying to hold back hot tears because I'm SO embarrassed.
(the language barrier didn't help either) 
Thirty minutes later I get a txt. 
"we were in a car accident!"
I'm like haha, don't joke with me. 
Get a call from my mom. 
"the girls where in a three car pile-up!!"

I'm sobbing, not knowing if they are ok.
Literally dry heaving at this point. 
Still being held hostage in the nail salon because I have no money to pay. 
I get a call from my Dad saying he can be there in 30-40 min. 
I was A MESS. 
I felt so helpless. 

Dad came and saved the day. 
The girls ended up being OK.
Their car was totaled, it wasn't their fault but no serious injuries. 

I know it wasn't my fault but I felt partially responsible. 
I went home took an anxiety pill to try and calm down. 
Then the intense contractions started for the next 4 hours before I passed out for the night. 

I woke up the next day and my eyes were SO swollen from all the crying. 
I continued to have contractions off and on for the rest of the day. 
That night we got door bell ditched and someone left the most amazing secret santa Christmas box. 
Once again, cue the tears.
This time they were happy and grateful tears but still tears nonetheless. 

Thursday morning I had my 39 week apt where I was 3cm and 60% effaced.
I had the midwife strip my membranes to see if anything would start up. 
It hurt way more than I remember it hurting with the other kids. 
I was feeling hopeful that it would get things going because of all the contraction's I had been having the previous days. 
I called my sister and had her come stay the night just in case. 
I bounced and bounced, and walked my stairs and squatted and danced all night hoping that the contractions would continue to get closer together. 
Woke up the next day. 

Friday morning, two days before Christmas I get a certified letter at the door from our rental company. 
"We will not be renewing your rental contract and you have 30 days to leave the premises."
Merry Christmas to us. 

Seriously, this could not have come at a more inconvenient time. 
We knew our contract was going to be over in Jan, but we were hoping/counting on being able to re-sign month to month until we knew where we were headed to next. 
Turns out the landlords are selling the house. 
So now, we have to figure something out ASAP or we are going to be homeless with 3 toddlers and a newborn. 
I can't even.

If getting ready to bring home a new baby wasn't enough stress.
Now I get to recover from labor and pack/clean my entire house.

We don't know where we are going yet. 

Here's our dilemma-
Dave graduates in Feb.
He's been applying for jobs all over the country so we could be picking up any time if he get's a job. 
(we have a promising second job interview next week that would solve all of our problems if he gets it! PRAYING!!!!)
We can't afford to sign another lease then potentially have to break it if he gets a new job. 
We are looking into short term apartment leases which are $$$$$$$$$ but it may just be what we need to do. 
Even looking into extended stay hotels...
I'm just at the end of my rope with all the uncertainty and what ifs. 

We are literally days away from meeting this baby and I have no idea where we will be in 30 days. 
I'm trying so hard to stay positive and not have a giant emotional breakdown. 

I know something will work out because it always does. 
It's just hard when it feels like you're struggling to stay afloat and your just trying to survive trial after trail. 
All I want to do is nest and snuggle my newborn (who I could've sworn would be here by now...)

Friday-Starting losing my mucus plug. Contractions 8-10 minutes apart for HOURS but never closer together. 
Saturday-Christmas eve- I was just a hopeless mess of a person. I didn't sleep all night the night before, still had contractions, inconsistently but more intense. 

Sunday- Christmas, literally nothing until later that night. It was nice to be able to enjoy the Holiday but it was the first time I was like "I'M SO OVER THIS!!!!"

Monday- once again inconsistent contractions but then they started picking up mid-afternoon. I went on a walk, curb walked and they continued. I thought for sure it was the night. 

Today, not a single freaking one. 
He needs to get here or the this false/pre-labor needs to stop. 
I remember it was like this with Frances' birth which I hope means that this one will be just as quick when the time ACTUALLY comes. 

My due date is Friday the 30th. 
I've not once made it till 40 weeks.
Maybe this time I will. 

I've been asked why not just get induced!?
Well I have lots of reasons....
1. being tired of pregnancy/holidays/end of the year is not a reason to induce. 
2. my induction experience with Remington was AWFUL! I would never "choose" to do that again. 
3. Inductions lead to lots of interventions which make laboring naturally difficult. 
I could go on and on...

My midwives will let me go till 42 weeks if baby is looking good still. 
That's January 13th in case anyone was wondering. 
So we may have a few more weeks to go here. 
(I really hope not but i'm gearing up for that)

So that's where we are at. 
Trying to hang in there.

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