Thursday, August 11, 2016
You know how people suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the winter time?
Well I think i'm suffering through the same thing except SUMMERTIME depression.
It's probably just a mix of pregnancy hormones and emotions but I've really been struggling for the past few weeks.
I HATE ARIZONA.
I HATE IT,
I HATE IT,
I HATE IT.
I wake up every day irritated that we live here.
I hate the heat.
I hate that we are stuck inside ALL day.
I hate that my babies don't have grass to prance around on.
I hate that I can't get cold water from my tap.
I hate that it's too hot to workout safely in my garage.
I hate that my kids get burned from their carseats and going down the slides at the park.
Amongst other things.
I've got 99 problems and moving out of Arizona would solve all of them.
There are other things (trials so to speak) that are contributing to the situation that just add to my frustration.
One of them being that our jeep has been broken down for a few months.
We are down to one car and I am stuck, inside, all freaking day with the kids.
It's too hot to go anywhere on foot.
I hate it.
I miss my little Idaho community, where we could get out and walk to anywhere we wanted to go, without fear of being kidnapped or death by heat stroke.
I feel like i'm suffocating here (both literally and figuratively) and I just want to get out.
I have to remind myself why we moved here in the first place.
We felt good about coming here initially, it was an answer to our prayers.
David's been able to get some awesome job experience for his career.
I know it's only temporary
but that doesn't mean it's not hard and that I have to like it every single day.
I just really feel like our time needs to come to an end.
(hopefully sooner rather than later)
David graduates from his masters program in February and we are praying night and day that he finds employment elsewhere that will get us the hell out of here.
I'd be happy literally anywhere else.
Don't get me wrong, i'm trying hard to see the positives of living here.
I'm trying really hard.
I recognize all of our blessings, it'd just be a lot cooler somewhere else.
I know that my level of happiness does not depend on external circumstance but sometimes it just feels really good to vent and get it all out there.
Like I said it's probably just the grumpy pregnancy hormones that makes everything feel that much worse.
I know this is only temporary (fingers-crossed)
We trust that God has a plan for us.
I'm well aware that it WILL all work out.
"Beware of the destination addiction. It's the preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, with the next person. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are."
Be happy with what you have, while working towards what you want.- is my new motto.
Even if that means faking it...
I'm just not good at that haha.
I think I got it all out.
gonna try and be happy now.
even though i really really hate it here.
....can anyone else relate??